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1. Read the Bible individually as well as together. When two Christians are married, neither will be able to love one another to the fullest if they don't love God first and love Him more. The way to draw lovingly closer to God is by reading His Word, the Bible. The Bible will reveal Who He is. And as we continue to learn of Him throughout our lives, we will come to love Him more and more because of the faith that is within us as believers.
Have you noticed that couples have expectations on their spouses? And usually, the focus of a marriage when trying to make it work is to primarily set expectations and secondarily to meet them. But God also has expectations. He also has a plan for the life of a believer, as we should already know.
Who founded and designed marriage? It is God who did. Whose idea was marriage? Adam's? Although he was alone amongst animals who had male-female companionship, he did not come up with the idea of having a wife. It was God's idea to give him a wife. And everything was perfect where the husband and wife dwelt in the garden until they made the ultimate sinful choice of disobedience to God. And it was the devil who enticed them with the idea.
So, in order to make a marriage work, there has to be obedience. In order to know how to obey, we must stay in God's Word because we will never be at a point of knowing everything - ever. Because of our flesh tendencies, there will be challenges to surrender our will to that of our spouses - as both men and women must be in the mindset of surrender according to God's Word. Studying that Word, with continual prayer and a heart to live by it, can place us more in the mindset of surrender to God first - and then to our spouse when they are not in contradiction to the Bible.
2. Pray together. It sounds like a cliche, of course. But most people who roll their eyes at this advice are the ones who do not diligently and frequently get on their knees together.
In fact, you are going to have to pray based on what the Bible says about your circumstances. Many scriptures may be specifically on marriage. But many may be on other topics. This is why studying the Bible is the first step in these tips. As explained in the above step, the more you study your Bible, the more you familiarize yourself with what God's promises, assurances, commandments, views, and expectations in each unique situation. But notice that this is also what you pray about - His promises, assurances, commandments, views, and expectations. A born again believer revolves his or her desires around these.
So, when you pray accordingly, you communicate to God what His Word says. He so honors His Word that it is important to Him to hear you acknowledge and honor it in your prayers. As with any prayer, in your prayers for your marriage you can make requests like, "LORD, because Jesus said, 'What God has joined together let no man put asunder,' we ask that you strengthen our marriage so that no one can come between us - including our own hearts. Please keep our hearts softened toward you and each other." He honors His Word being mentioned in relevance to a request.
3. Doing outreach together builds depth to a relationship while finding favor in the eyes of God. Feed the hungry, visit the sick and the downtrodden, visit those who are imprisoned, and share the gospel of Jesus Christ in unlikely places - together. You are in this marriage ultimately for the glory of God and for several other reasons - in this case, to help each other grow stronger in your walk before the LORD. But it's easy to state that in word only. The more you practice this Biblical principle, the more you come to truly believe it and act on it.
Also, an intense focus on ministering to the needs of others is a wonderful distraction when there is opportunity to focus on each other's flaws. You've heard the saying that "an idle mind is the devil's workshop." In this case, that would be true. If you are constantly positioned to focus on your spouse, because you have nothing else to do besides work and church, you can very easily find something to complain about. It happens all the time. But if you and your mate take some time to help others and open discussions about these very meaningful missions, you will be too busy doing good to focus on negative aspects that are sometimes petty - like flaws with each other's appearance or bad habits.
4. No matter how long you've been married, marriage retreats and marriage conferences provide fuel for relationships. Listen to or attend Christian marriage seminars at least four times per year. In fact, try once per season because many times potential foolishness presents itself tempting us to gravitate toward fleshly outbursts at least once per season of a year. For example: 1) Extra Christmas shopping and people's holiday demands impose debt for several months - sometimes until the next year rolls around. 2) Possible poor annual job performance reviews or benefit increases (like insurance premium) can make spouses angry to the point of taking work-related problems home. 3) Seasonal colds and flues make some spouses difficult requiring patience from the attending spouse. 4) Summer fashion trends can, under certain circumstances, tempt some spouses to criticize their spouse's looks in revealing wear like swimsuits and trunks.
5. When the honeymoon is over, that does not mean that you have nothing else so exciting and so special to look forward to like you did when you dated and planned the events around your wedding.
Still date! You can fit for any budget from no-budge to extravagance. If you can plan get-aways together, do so - again, based on what your budget will allow. Just because you're no longer planning for a that romantic honeymoon trip does not mean that your planning is over. If you have to set aside savings for travel together, do so.
Plan a special celebration for each anniversary. It does not have to be expensive and it does not have to involve anymore people than the two of you want involved. But, up to the honeymoon, you had so much to look forward to - in terms of event. Don't stop that. Always give yourselves something to look forward to as a couple.
6. Before you were courting, you cared so much about each other's opinion. If you were on cloud nine, feeling those butterflies in his or her presence, you didn't care if the opinion was harshly honest. You listened and you took heed. Don't stop caring like that. Don't stop welcoming your spouses opinion.
But what really can make listening to your spouse's opinion delightful is when you get into deep discussion about your views. Critique a movie together. Watch tv and share each other's opinion. You learn about each other more that way. You can also laugh at each other. Some opinions are funny when they differ and some are funny when they are mutual.
By no means am I saying that you should say hurtful things about others to each other or gossip, but there is nothing wrong with sharing what you delightfully observe about others - to each other - and see what the other thinks. That might turn into laughter if one or both of you know how to imitate people in a non-scornful way.
This is a way to enjoy and take interest in each other.
7. Finally, when the reality of bills and financial problems occur, you have to roll up your sleeves. Don't wait until problems occur. Have a plan. Keep budget charts in your personal files to help manage your finances. Don't be too prideful to use coupons and even explore more affordable and rewarding ways to shop.
Financial problems can bully a couple into a mindset of seeing the other spouse as the enemy. in fact, some spouses can spend money like an enemy. If that be the case, sit down and talk. (What a cliche!) But here is what to discuss to a spouse who likes to over-spend: He or she who likes to spend more should work more. So, if there is overtime to put in at the job or a second form of income to consider, the over-spender should buy into this idea before buying anything else over budget. Although a practical solution for someone who cannot or will not correct a spending problem, this is not a good route to take. The best route to take in solving over-spending is to get in line with a budget. Overtime or second jobs can rob you of your time together as a couple. Second forms of income like selling popular products (Avon) might prove to be better.
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